Men never ask themselves what they want out of a relationship. If they did, would they want an arrangement in which they could not be characteristically and thus comfortably themselves? Would they want an arrangement in which their honest and direct communications provoke a defensive and emotional war? Would they want to be continually criticized and accused, made solely responsible for the arrangement’s every discomfort and difficulty? Would they want constant pressure to comply, to change, and to improve? And would they want the satisfaction and subsequent health of that arrangement based solely on their pacifying response to the continual coercion?

If these were the terms, men would avoid relationships. Yet, these are indeed the terms, and men still involve themselves with women. The problem is men don’t realize these are the terms for the terms being but slowly, incrementally revealed. Men jump into relationships and immediately begin pleasing and pacifying women, repairing themselves, and transforming into something more relationally acceptable and worthy. Meanwhile, men lose sight of what relationships are supposed to be: a two-party arrangement of mutual respect and equal obligation.

In the modern era of feminism and man blame, mutual respect and equal obligation are fundamental principles lost, or perhaps buried. Buried so women can control both men and relationships. And men, naïve and yet traditional-minded in their gender and relational perceptions, not only allow it to happen. They assist in the burial process.

Relationships struggle and fail for a major reason no one wants to discuss.
The reason?
Women.
Despite cultural favoritism and protection, women play a role in struggling and failing relationships. A big role. For relationships to improve, that role needs desperately to be explored—explored as much for women as for men.

New Rules: Relationship Logic for the Darkside.